“Do you know how God controls the clouds and makes His lightning flash?” Job 37:15

Last night at work I was closing cashier. I don’t mind it, but given the option I’d rather be on the floor folding and perfecting a section. Why? If I am perfecting a section I feel I have more control over the cleanup of the store. I told this to one of the girls and she said, “Geez Grace we’re not slackers.”

This past summer one of the biggest things that I dealt with was trusting that God is in control. What’s going to happen to the kids? Are they going to be saved? Is he going to be all right? Will the teasing end? There were so many wants and desires that I wanted to see happen and guaranteed, but my timing is not God’s timing. I had to surrender it all and trust that God, who created the universe, is in control and holds each life in His hands. I do my part and I must let God do His work. He is in control.

I find myself needing to cling to that daily with increasing intensity as each day passes. It seems as though these past couple of weeks have been filled with the need for me to really encourage and comfort kids at school. Whether it is sorrow for the death of a grandfather or hurt and pain because of a mother who hasn’t called in two years or having no one who seems to care, I see the suffering and can only imagine the possible long term affects.

As a child, I use to cry and wish that all the suffering in the world would end. “God I am willing to die if all the hurt will end,” is basically what I would pray. Now I have a clearer perspective. It isn’t wrong to want to end hunger or go to areas of deep poverty and help those in need or make kids feel loved, but what is the motive and deeper area of need- Jesus Christ. The love of Christ and what He has done needs to be the igniter. With Christ you can get through anything and find joy in all circumstances. The Savior is what they need.

As I finish up this month of 6^th grade and being on the upper grade side, I can only give thanks to God for such a rollercoaster of a blessing. I have had a wonderful opportunity to get to know many of the kids and build a relationship with them. It is that genuine interest and care for them that really separates the best, good, and bad teachers. I have also had this time to show the kids the love of Christ. I see how important it is to daily walk with the Lord and lean on Him for understanding and wisdom, so that in all aspects of teaching (lessons, discipline, rewards, rules, etc) I can reflect Him and do what is the best thing for the kids. Some of the kids know I am Christian. There have been some opportunities to mention Him, so I hope my time with them has reflected that. And of course, I have definitely learned a lot and see areas of shortcomings. Always room for improvement. 

As I go into third grade for the rest of the school year, I already know that there are going to be challenges and there are going to be kids that I will want to cry for. I already know of one such kid. So do I buckle under the challenge of planning and taking over a class for 3 months or feel depressed over the various circumstances of each kid? Nope, because in all things the Lord is in control. I can do what the Lord gives me to do at this time, and then I must trust each life to the Father. After all, do I control the clouds?

Third grade response to getting an answer right on a quiz.

Student in the middle: Thank God!

Student to the right: And Jesus!

Student to the left: And Mary!

It made me chuckle inside.

The holiday season is here, which means the end of the year is around the corner. It also means that I am half way done with student teaching. Yay! I am enjoying it, but by the end I am going to be so ready to have my own class.

I do miss my kindergarten kids. Of course I don’t miss the crying, temper tantrums, tattle telling, the sneakiness or testing. But I miss their energy, excitement, acceptance, openness, discoveries, learning, growth, all wanting to get called on and participate and their stories or should I say questions. They equate raising their hand with asking a question. They raise their hand, say they have a question, you call on them, but really all they have is a comment or some story. Now most of the time it at least usually has to do with what you’re talking about, but it is like when they do have an actual question, they never raise their hand. They just shout out. Go figure. I will not forget Anthony’s talking, keeping us company in the back and making us laugh, and also teaching him and Ethan awkward turtle. I won’t forget when Noah said, “I like school teacher.” I won’t forget Mycal and his singing, especially all those songs that they must play like on Kiss or something. I won’t forget Bill saying, “I’m megazoid black forest ranger,” at the puppet show on brushing teeth, making Mrs. Brakefield and I laugh so hard, what a character. I won’t forget waving to Gessuri and Felicity each morning as they sat in the kindergarten line and I walked to class. I won’t forget Rafi’s smile and his three-point harness. I won’t forget when I read a story in Spanish and English, and the kids were all like wow my teacher speaks Spanish and then Julian standing up saying, “teacher I speak Mexican too.” Yeah I won’t forget all their hugs too. Good times.  

Now in 5^th grade it is much different, but it is starting to grow on me. There is a lot more you can do with the older kids when it comes to activities and such. Also you don’t have to constantly be talking or be on top of them. Like the little ones they too are very accepting and open. I mean after one week the girls are coming up and giving me hugs, running to work with me when we break into small groups for math, and the whole come home with me, lets have a slumber party, haha.  The boys are pretty friendly too. I was able to chat and get to know the ones that were in my group on our field trip. Oh and I of course already got the how old are you, are you married, do you have a boyfriend, questions from them all. When it comes to connecting with some of the boys I usually pull out the sports card. On Friday at recess on duty I was by the basketball court where some were playing horse, I was cheering them on, and Louise showed me his half court shot, which he made like three that day. Then for PE we had open play, so I went with them and shot the basketball around. Louise is so funny; he was always like give it to Miss Olivas. They wanted to play a game at first, but then we settled on lighting. It was funny to see their reactions and sort of like amazement to me actually being good. I ended up winning the first game, and boys from the other classes came to play asking what my name was, and Louise was all proud saying yeah that’s my teacher. I tell you I have no shame. I was in jeans, converse, this long Hawaiian top, dangly earrings, my hair was down with a flower clip, and my glasses were on. I’d play in anything. You know I was actually thinking that I probably would choose to go play basketball or some sport over so many other things. Oh yeah another thing we did on Friday was watch the health video on puberty; you know when they split the girls and guys up. I totally remember that. Well, we’ll see how the next six weeks work out with these kids. 

I can already see how you get attached to your kids, really caring about their learning and the people they become. It is sad to see how many struggle, whether it is because they lack the skill or lack the language. It is frustrating to want them succeed and learn, when many don’t care. There is so much work that a teacher has to do. Planning alone is a lot of work when you’re tying to accommodate the different levels and meet each child’s need. Just thinking about it makes me exhausted, especially since I want to do as much as I can for each child. But hey that’s why I got into teaching, right?

Speaking of teaching and learning, God sure has been revealing the junk in me. These last couple of BSF lessons have really gone along with what God has been showing me. Yes, I am self-righteous, which really comes out at home. Gosh I was really so ashamed and sadden by that. I can think of instances when I said things that were so like well you need to do this and be like this, and I was really not showing grace. At the moment too, I didn’t even bat an eye. How disgusting. Come on Grace take the plank out of your eye. Then this week we talked about prayer- ask, seek, and knock. If my family members’ spiritual growth was so important, etc., why haven’t I begged, why haven’t I been persistent, why haven’t I gotten on my knees? Yeah I’ve got things to work on. I thank the Lord for showing me this. And as my friend pointed out, thank the Lord that my heart is not hardened, but willing to hear and be convicted.

I don’t know why I wrote this. I guess eventually I won’t have any time for this.

Well, only two days of school this week. Hopefully the math lessons go well! 

My Tribute 

Verse 1
How can I say thanks
For the things You have done for me,
Things so undeserved,
Yet You gave to prove Your love for me.
The voices of a million angels
Could not express my gratitude.
All that I am and ever hope to be,
I owe it all to Thee.

Chorus
To God be the glory,
To God be the glory,
To God be the glory,
For the things He has done.
With His blood He has saved me,
With His power He has raised me,
To God be the glory,
For the things He has done.


Verse 2
Just let me live my life,
Let it be pleasing, Lord, to Thee,
And if I gain any praise,
Let it go to Calvary.
With His blood He has saved me,
With His power He has raised me,
To God be the glory,
For the things He has done.

Well...mission accomplished. Bought the two new tires, so when I walked out of work today there were no surprises.

I almost forgot to check my car before I left the tire place, good thing I did check. Whoever worked on it took the spare off, but the other one they took off was wrong. They took off a good tire and left the tire that was plugged on. So the guy who helped me inside quickly changed them.

I definitely learned a few things these last few days. I guess I'll be prepared if there is a next time.

A flat isn't so bad now, but all I know is that if I ever again blow a tire, spin across lanes, and live like I did two years ago, I am moving to Hong Kong or somewhere where I don't have to drive.

Well the adventure doesn't stop there. Nope.

I got the two tires fix this morning, but when I came out of work the front one was a bit too flat. Not driveable. Apparently security isn't allowed to help with tire changes, so luckily Jackie (coworker) and I saw Francis (coworker) and Cindy (manager) as we headed back up to the 4th level. Francis changed the tire, which I definitely could not have done, especially after seeing my dad this morning and then Francis having to use all this strength to undo the bolts. But what a useless spare. It was sort of flat. My dad was almost there once we got the spare on, so we went to the gas station to put air in the tire before heading home. I guess we're just gonna buy two new tires.

So guess what I get to do this morning, apparently by myself too. My dad is going to go do this side job with a friend he told he'd help. If I knew more about tires I wouldn't mind, but I don't know much just the rough estimate my dad gave me tonight. This is when I wish I had a good guy friend who would like come early with me and who knows the ropes around this. Yeah I got work at 11 which means I need to have new tires put on by 1030.

I'm sure this happens to plenty of people, sounds like it from what I hear, but for some reason this is making me emotional.

Well this plus a few other thoughts going on.

I need to get good busy again.

 I need to feel useful and purposeful.